Memoirs of a former Titaniumite

Having recently been invited by one Adam Ferret to join Titanium Software's secret splinter group blog, I decided that today shall be the day that I make my first contribution to the Titanium Software secret blog of mystery and wonder.

Raymond Ely and I spoke recently and I was amazed at how fast memories of life at Titanium Software came back, a world of anticipation, concealed groups, secret email chains and lunches, social embarrassment, extended bouts of influenza, unrequited tea rounds, darts, pool and of course cookies.

Anticipation rears its ugly head in many ways at Titanium Towers but none more so than that of collisions between one Julian Sadman and various inanimate objects around the office. It appears that Mr. Sadman - along with no immune system (widely thought to be due to the lack of animal in his diet) - has no muscle memory. In my time at Titanium, Raymond and I would sit and wait in joyful hope for Sadman to bump into plants, desks, chairs and the array of boxes that surrounded Stephan's desk, often while sipping water and walking slowly back to his desk not realising that he had spawned a flurry of netsends between various Titanium employees.

It appears that Englebert is in the habit of employing uncoordinated employees, who are unable to control their feet and have low levels of spacial-awareness. Employees like Choyklet Dejestiw (from the former eastern block country of Polarmania) and Adolf (rumoured to have purchased his wife for 4 carrots, an old Atari computer and a deep welled vial of unknown compound/substance/matter) spring to mind. Adolf also has trouble with the word yes - it appears that it comes out as an extended "NO" usually preceeded by an extended "errrr" - causing ears within a 10-metre radius to weep.

I often wonder, have there been any more ill-coordinated additions to Titanium Software?

Stay tuned for more "Memoirs of a former Titaniumite" which are really just digitally regurgitated random thoughts from a previous life!