GeordieBorough has lowest gun crime figures

Geordies have nipples on top of their shoulders and this is why frequently you see them walking around with milk dripping down their arms. The slippiness this generates makes holding things difficult which is why Geordieborough has one of the lowest gun crime incident numbers in the country.

Sieg Wan

Sieg Wan is a cross-dressing gay half-german half-chinese fashion critic/advisor nazi who totters around in ill-fitting high heels.

Sieg Wan put on his jimmy choos and slung his prada handbag over his shoulder.
He tottered up to his pink mini, registration plate SIEG WANK, and flounced into the driver's seat.
After adjusting his make-up he moved the rear view mirror back into position and sighed,
"Trime to hrit the road, Sieg. A nazi's gotta do what a nazi's gotta do. Gotta strick to the mission, that's what I gotta dro. Sieging the Heil. That's the rife for mre."
Sieg revved the engine and saluted once, twice, three times a gay nazi, beeped his little nazi schwastika horn, and gunned it down the heilway.

Brown Tar

Morganon Reichberg: I just did a terrible thing that will likely destroy any remaining respect that you may have for me.
I manipulated the coffee machine glands so that they might secrete some precious coffee, but they ran dry after they had filled no more than a 1/3 of a cup. What to do? In such situations, I ask myself, “What would Hitler do?”. My answer was to top up the murky brown tar with instant coffee and boiling water. After that I added milk and poured all of the sugar from the “Sugar” and “Sugar lumps” tins into the filthy concoction. The resulting drink is so thick that I am having to spoon it out like a yoghurt.

Henri Le Croissant

Le Croissant, Henri

New responsibilities

It's my new job. I broke the automated barcode generator and now every time anyone wants a new barcode they go through me. I get about 100,000 emails from AngelarkCorp a day. They get all the best barcodes. I'm very proud of the work I do. One day I hope to see a news article:

PersephoneCorp cure cancer with screening programme. The wonder drug was found in tube "MORGANONBARGELD02"

I'd be happy then and could retire. I text barcodes to ContanCorp because they don't get through that many a day and it's easier for the operators because they don't have computers in the tube warehouses, not even laptops. Laptops are outlawed by the leader of ContanCorp because a laptop once fell on his toe and it broke into 5 pieces (his toe).

What waspy fox?

Are these fragments of your consciousness going to add up to anything? It sort of feels like you're feeding me pieces of a code that will at some point make me assassinate someone.

Cats tending an orchard

A tiny orchard of bonsai cherry trees tended to by cats dressed in pinafores that walk around on their hind legs.